What makes marriages work? 7-29-10

I have been talking lately with clients about healthy relationships in recovery. There was some research done several years ago by Glasman. They contacted thousands of respondents to determine what made marriages work. They could find no consistencies for what "worked" for success, however, they found four predictors that tend to destroy relationships or marriages. No, they are not money, religion or some others that often come to mind and certainly these things can be problematic. However the four predictors cited were: 1. Criticism of my partner, 2. Contempt of my partner or their thoughts, feeling or actions, 3. Withdrawal and not willing to talk about problems, and 4. Denial of a problem. If one partner has a problem and the other partner is unwilling to see the problem or acknowledge it then it can drive a wedge into the relationship. How do you view this? I am open to feedback.





Sue Judd, M.S.S., L.S.A.C.

Make Time To Play 7-28-10

I find as I am getting older, I am slowing down. I use to think that this would never happen to me yet, time has different ideas. This morning I watched my two youngest play legos together. I sat mesmerized by their imaginations and the playful process they went through. I was impressed at how there was no fighting, no contention, just a flow of creative ideas and cooperation. Finally I asked, "What ya doing?" The answer, "Building." So true, building their minds, their relationship, eye hand coordination, problem solving and so much more, all from playing. Coming back from vacation a few weeks back I realized the need for more play in my life. Today I saw the benefits of play and the value it holds in the further development of who I can become. So, now slowing down is not so adverse to me, it's now about playing more.


Dean N. Nixon - Seminar Facilitator / Life Coach

Make Time To Play 7-28-10

I find as I am getting older, I am slowing down. I use to think that this would never happen to me yet, time has different ideas. This morning I watched my two youngest play legos together. I sat mesmerized by their imaginations and the playful process they went through. I was impressed at how there was no fighting, no contention, just a flow of creative ideas and cooperation. Finally I asked, "What ya doing?" The answer, "Building." So true, building their minds, their relationship, eye hand coordination, problem solving and so much more, all from playing. Coming back from vacation a few weeks back I realized the need for more play in my life. Today I saw the benefits of play and the value it holds in the further development of who I can become. So, now slowing down is not so adverse to me, it's now about playing more.


Dean N. Nixon - Seminar Facilitator / Life Coach

Allowing Our Children to Struggle with their Consequences

I have often been intrigued by how opposition creates balance. So many times, we heard about this concept of reverse psychology, when dealing with a stubborn child. That is rebelling or being resistant. We may say the opposite of what we want to elicit the response that we want as a parent. We often have to go against what we think to be true. In order to gain what it is that we need the most from our children, often times letting go, and allowing our children to choose their path seems very frightening and out of control, but more times than not, simply by giving them control. They will choose the values that we have instilled within them, even though our minds may be screaming to hang on as tight as we can. Often times it's the letting go, which brings us the peace we seek in the relationship with our children. I am not referring to removing boundaries, rules or norms in the home, I am simply talking about allowing children to make their decisions and struggle with their consequences.





Dean N. Nixon - Seminar Facilitator / Life Coach

Courage Or Conformity

The late Earl Nightingale was, for many years, the most listened to man on radio. His radio show, "Our Changing World" was broadcast on over 1,000 radio stations around the world. He researched and wrote every show himself. The man virtually devoured books. He was consumed with the idea of why so few people succeed in life and so many others do not.





I had the good fortune of working for a number of years with Earl. It was a tremendous learning experience, one I treasure more with each passing year.





We all admire the courageous person and quite often consider the individual who lacks courage, a coward.





However, that is not how Earl Nightingale saw it. He said the opposite of courage was not cowardness, it was conformity. I believe the more you think about that, the more you will be inclined to agree with him.





It takes courage to break away from the crowd, to go your own way, to do the thing which may be unpopular. It takes courage to stand up for the person who is being unjustly criticized, rather than agreeing and going along with the crowd. It takes courage for the teenager to say no, when all the rest of the kids begin going down the wrong path.





Earl Nightingale was correct - the opposite of courage is conforming. It is one reason so few people enjoy any lasting success. It is so easy to go along with the large group. We don't have to stand out, to be different.



The next time you are encouraged to fall into line, to be a sport, and everything in you says no - be courageous and go your own way. There is no compensation in conformity. -Bob Proctor





This is a story that is worth passing around as it has a valuable lesson for everyone. Please accept as our gift to you Bob Proctor's ebook You Were Born Rich along with some incredible MP3's by going here: www.bobproctor.com/freegifts This is also a link that you can share with friends and family.

Do Something!

I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do. -Helen Keller

Controlling Our Thoughts 7-19-10

The most influential battle one can fight is the battle to control ones thoughts. When we think of battling our thoughts we think of a struggle of overwhelming effort with the potential of loss. The battle of the mind is not won with force, in fact it is not one at all, it is simply influenced through training. The warrior may train for battle, he my even fight other warriors to improve his skills. It is training that enables him to control his mind and be prepared for any, and all struggles, even if he never sees the battle field. Training our mind to focus in areas that provide answers and understanding will bring peace and hope.


Dean N. Nixon - Seminar Facilitator / Life Coach

Gratitude for My Partners

As a part owner of TurningLeaf, Inc., I have two partners whom I admire and value. I mentioned Doc Moody last week as my fellow "Elder of Excellence", mentor and role model. My other partner, Dean Nixon, is also a mentor and role model. I am inspired by his ability to use his own discernment and help others to do the same. I am inspired by his commitment to live true to his own 10 Core Values. I am inspired by his commitment to service both to individuals and the community. I am inspired by his loyalty and integrity. I could go on and on about these great men that I have the opportunity to do business with, however, I will just express thanks to both of them for their examples and mentoring.



Sue Judd, M.S.S., L.S.A.C.

Seeing our trials as a part of our Journey 7-13-10

Learning to bend with adversity rather than fight is a powerful way to take control of our lives. This week my family and I drove through yellowstone national park, I was impressed by some of the trees we saw on the way in from the east gate, they were all leaning east as though the canyon winds had been blowing hard for some time. This particular day was very windy as we were faced with a very strong head wind driving west. We soon crossed over the pass and found our way to Yellowstone Lake where the wind was whipping the lake in to big swells with two foot breakers. As the water churned from a bluish green to a muddy brown eating away at the shore line with its drift wood scattered beach, I was taken back to the trees, both under the same influence yet each responding differently. One was a swaying dance allowing each tree to live in unison with adversity and by doing so becoming stronger in its roots. The other, a destructive corrosive act displacing much of the life that had once clung to its sandy home, churning and thrashing in a different dance, one of inflicting will and ambivalence to its destruction. Before I had left my hot desert home in St. George for the cooler plains of Wyoming, I was speaking to one of my clients about this very principal, the more we fight adversity the more we prolong the storms that teach. When we learn bend and sway with the winds of adversity, we learn of our strengths thus becoming powerful. Just as the trees accepted the wind by leaning east, we can see the trials as apart of our journey and change how we see what is happening.





Dean N. Nixon - Seminar Facilitator / Life Coach

What is TurningLeaf, Inc. about? 7-14-10

As TurningLeaf, Inc. is a value based company and centers its programs and treatment in living true to your values as an individual and living true to ones core values, I thought it might be helpful to share the Ten Core Values of TurningLeaf, Inc. They are: Loyalty - God, self and others Flexibility - in all ways Value - of individual, marriage, couples, and families Service - to self, individual, families and community Acceptance - God's will, self and others Integrity - as an individual and business Respect - self and others, Progressive - as individual and in business, Open Communication - employees and clients. I have not listed these in any order of priority, however, perhaps this helps to understand TurningLeaf, Inc., a little better. If you have not determined your own ten core values, what are you waiting for? If you need help come in and see us.





Sue Judd, M.S.S., L.S.A.C.

Why does God send us children?

God sends children to enlarge our hearts, and make us unselfish and full of kindly sympathies and affections.


-Mary Howitt

The great freedoms we have in America

On the 4th of July, I went to a celebration in Bloomington (suburb of St. George) as a part of their first planned community celebration. The combination of patriotic memorabilia, songs, slide shows, and speakers was outstanding reminders of our great freedoms in America. The speakers were Dr. Paul and Chandra Gooch. He was born and raised in Utah and she was born in Cambodia at the time of the "killing fields". As her father was a pilot for the ousted government, she and her family were in the labor camps and rescued (father and grandfather were killed) by the North Vietnamese 3 days before they were to be executed. Their sharing was powerful as he shared what he was experiencing in Utah and USA on certain dates and she in turn shared what she was experiencing those same dates in Cambodia. She, her mother, and siblings were sponsored and brought to America. They are now parents of 5 children and took a trip (with her mother) back to Cambodia in 2007. The slide show that they put together to illustrate her experiences and the beauty and devastation of the area made it all real. Thank you, to the community of Bloomington for all your efforts.





Sue Judd, M.S.S., L.S.A.C.

Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.


-Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"

The Avoidance of our own Humanity -7/09/10

I have often been intrigued with revenge. The feeling of control it provides those who dispense it. We have seen it used in film and literature as a justification for the taking of life or mistreatment of others. Gandhi dedicated his life to the understanding of this destructive power, his quote "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" is profound and layered with wisdom. I believe the blindness Gandhi spoke of is the avoidance of our own vulnerability, pain, sadness, and all areas we show humanity. The fear of vulnerability has driven humans to genocide and isolationism, it has become the cause of loss of hope, and the destruction of relationships. The denial of ones own humanity creates a lack of acceptance of others.


Dean N. Nixon - Seminar Facilitator / Life Coach

Becoming an "Elder of Excellence"

I was referring back to "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louse L. Hay for some information for myself. In 2000, at the age of 74, she wrote in her Afterword: "I like the idea of becoming an Elder of Excellence and seeing the rest of my life as my Treasure Years. And also (I like) teaching other people approaching their later years to become Elders of Excellence and to take their rightful place in society as teachers of wisdom. I believe that we can be vibrant and healthy until our last days and enjoy each moment of life. I, too, have had these thoughts of staying vibrant and healthy. I would like to become an Elder of Excellence in my Treasure Years. My mentor or role model is Doc Moody. As I watch him and listen to him as a therapist, a father and a husband, I know he is an Elder of Excellence who has much wisdom to share. He is overall vibrant and healthy and still enjoys life to the fullest whether at work or play. Thank you, Doc, for your example. As to the "elder" years, I am not far behind you, however, your wisdom and zest for life keep me motivated to be an Elder of Excellence in my Treasure Years.





Sue Judd, M.S.S., L.S.A.C.

Peace and Progress

The pursuit of peace and progress cannot end in a few years in either victory or defeat. The pursuit of peace and progress, with its trials and its errors, its successes and its setbacks, can never be relaxed and never abandoned.


-Dag Hammarskjold

Peace and Progress

The pursuit of peace and progress cannot end in a few years in either victory or defeat. The pursuit of peace and progress, with its trials and its errors, its successes and its setbacks, can never be relaxed and never abandoned.


-Dag Hammarskjold

Balance In The Family - 7/05/10

There is wisdom in the design of the family. It is wisdom that it takes a Mother and a Father to conceive a child, the metaphor is one of balance. Taking different genders and different styles of thinking, different beliefs and backgrounds, and then asking them to be one in purpose, this cannot be done without a level of surrender. Surrender is a key principal in creating balance. Nature is a great re-enforcer of this fact. Night to day, winter, summer, spring, and fall, each surrender to the other to create life. To truly become a family we must find balance with one another, not compromising who we are, but through unifying our purpose and the edification of all.


Dean N. Nixon - Seminar Facilitator / Life Coach

Our Children Are Our Disciplinarians

Children keep us in check. Their laughter prevents our hearts from hardening. Their dreams ensure we never lose our drive to make ours a better world. They are the greatest disciplinarians known to mankind.


-Queen Rania of Jordan, Hello Magazine

Meditation with Wyland

Are you familiar with the artist, Andrew Wyland? He has painted over 85 ocean murals throughout the world. As an environmentalist and visionary it is his hope that "If people see the beauty in nature they will work to preserve it before it's too late." When I was visiting Hawaii in October 2008, I picked up his book, "Ocean Wisdom - meditations and art for the 21st century." I have been a fan of his art, however, was unaware of his other talents of writing, sculpting, etc. Here are just a couple of thoughts to meditate on from his "Ocean Wisdom" book. "Over two-thirds of the planet is covered by sea water, yet we continue to call it earth." Also, "Always remember that the ocean delights in feeling your feet in her eternal bath…" The time is overdo for me to once again walk the seashore and bathe my feet in the seas eternal bath.





Sue Judd, M.S.S., L.S.A.C.