Strengthening Marriage Through Trials


Recently I was asked how to keep a marriage free from trials and conflict, my response was, "it is impossible." We can however learn to strengthen marriage to a point that it will survive the trials and conflict. We have been fooled into thinking that marriage is an arrival point, we have been taught to define ourselves by marriage and loose ourselves to it. We look down on ourselves if we struggle and become impatient with our partner, we look outward for reference and direction. We fear the looks of others hoping they don't see the issues. We have forgotten that marriage is a process that needs to grow and mature. If we learn to look at marriage as a child, we can see the process clearly; first, life is new and fragile, it is learning to walk with someone, and speak a new language, it will soon learn to feed itself and take on its own personality, patterns are developing that will shape everything about it and how it sees the world. Later, it becomes challenged, it strains under the pressure of peers and the comparisons to other marriages. The distraction of careers and children enters leaving no time to enjoy or repair the relationship, resulting in resentments and dissatisfaction and wishing, this form of grief and self loathing leads to anger and soon wanting change. After the distractions are gone, introspection begins and the true work is done. If there has been a healthy respect for the process and gratitude for the opportunity, with realistic views, the best part begins, acceptance. How powerful would it be if we could start marriage with acceptance? To know that marriage is a process and requires and huge amount of humility and humanity, to start with no expectations, just the ability to adapt and grow. This is the answer to the question, How do I strengthen my marriage to withstand the trials rather than avoid them?

Dean N. Nixon, Seminar Facilitator/Life Coach

TurningLeaf Inc.

Office: 435-652-1202


"It's not about change, it's about growth."

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