One of my colleagues
made a statement about marriage therapy I believe is important to pass along.
She said, “I think people need to work on themselves first and clear up their
individual issues before the couple counseling can be effective.” As I thought
about this, it is true in all relationships and not just in marriages. In a
friendship or in a work relationship, if we have personal issues centered around
poor self-esteem, controlling others, poor boundaries, etc. it effects the
relationship.
Steven Covey in his
book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” outlines the 7 habits in working
first on taking care of the inside of ourselves and then dealing with the
outside or public. I would like to reference these habits for those who have not
read the book, as a reminder of the importance of dealing with yourself first
and the steps in doing so.
The first three habits:
(1) Be Proactive
(2) Begin with and End in Mind
(3) Put First things First
All deal with our
ability to govern our life. Being proactive means taking responsibility for your
life and thinking before you act. Beginning with the end in mind means defining
your goals and your mission in life so your direction in life is clear. Putting
first things first means to prioritize and do the most important things first so
that your life doesn’t become cluttered.
The next 4 habits
are centered on being able to interact effectively with others. Habit (4) is
about thinking or working for a win-win. It is an attitude of mutual respect for
the opinion of others as well as your own. Habit (5) is seek first to understand
and then to be understood. All have a unique insight and we need to listen with
intent to understand rather than to reply.
Habit (6) is to synergize. When we work together with an attitude of
success for all we will achieve more. Finally habit (7) is sharpening the saw.
Sharpening the saw is about taking care of you and renewing yourself physically,
socially/emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
I would love to hear
ways you take care of yourself first so you can in turn have healthy
relationships with others. Email me at
pca@infowest.com with questions or
comments.
Clinical
Psychologist